Halloween is just another seasonal celebration missed by those of us that are alienated from our children.
For those readers unfamiliar with the term parental alienation please see here.
I vividly remember helping my children each year carve out the Halloween pumpkins to be placed outside the house. I also remember every evening after nightfall being reminded by my kids to light the candles in the pumpkins. As if it was only yesterday I remember my little G saying to me one year “daddy, we need to light the pumpkins, can I help you light them today because it’s my turn tonight, remember?”
“Parental alienation, by its very nature is all about tricks and treats too.”
I remember my kids and I getting dressed up in our Halloween costumes each year to go ‘trick or treating’ round the neighbourhood. On returning home, the children’s faces full of joy as they emptied their Halloween bags onto the floor. All of them excited beyond words from the sheer amount of sweets they had each managed to acquire.
However it is not just Halloween that involves trick or treating. Parental alienation, by its very nature is all about tricks and treats too. Allow me to explain.
I now haven’t seen my three beautiful children for almost fifteen months. Their mother has tricked them into believing I no longer love them following our separation. Their mother has ultimately tricked them into believing they are better off without me.
In addition to this their mother has tricked them into being scared of me. She uses such abhorrent tactics as tricking them into believing I prowl around the house at night. Which of course isn’t true.
Their mother has also tricked them in the past into worrying about the idea of them possibly having to move house and schools because “daddy isn’t paying for the house anymore” which of course isn’t true.
As if all the above wasn’t bad enough, their mother has also tricked all our previously mutual friends into believing I used to abuse my children. Suffice to say their mother has ensured that all these ex-mutual friends have rejected me on this false information. They clearly weren’t real friends if that is their reaction without checking my side of the story first. These ex-mutual friends have now become what are known as enablers of parental alienation. Enablers are individuals that an alienating parent tricks into providing support for them. The alienating parent will also in many cases trick the enablers to turn against the targeted parent.
For a more detailed insight into enablers of parental alienation please see my article An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation.
My children’s mother also tricked one of the children’s schools into believing that my whereabouts were not known and that I had stolen money from them and therefore left them destitute.
“Having the financial resources to spend in excess of £10,000 in legal fees over the last fourteen months to continue to prevent me from having any contact with any of my children.”
Furthermore their mother also tricked the local authorities into giving her food vouchers due to her false claims of being left penniless and destitute following our separation. This is despite their mother somehow having the financial resources to spend in excess of £10,000 in legal fees over the last fourteen months to continue to prevent me from having any contact with any of my children.
At each court appearance, of which there have been many their mother regularly tricks the judge. She assures the judge she will engage in the next intervention aimed at encouraging contact between the children and I. This is despite their mother not engaging in any previous interventions at all.
So there you have it. These are the ‘tricks of the trade’ used by an alienating parent. There are many many more tricks, but I’m sure you get the idea.
But what about the treats? Once again, please allow me to explain.
The children get treated by way of numerous rewards for siding with their mother. They get treated with praise for helping her through the pain and hurt of separation. Clearly this is emotional transference from a parent to a child and completely inappropriate and unhealthy.
And then there is the previously mentioned mutual friends that have sided with the childrens mother. They are treated with validation and praise for helping who they believe to be someone who is penniless and destitute. Little do they know this mother is emotionally abusing her very own children and continuing to deny them contact with their father.
“Tragically the children have absolutely no idea that they are being constantly tricked and treated into rejecting and hating their very own father.”
So this year their mother will probably carve out the pumpkins with the children. And she will most probably take them trick or treating.
However, rather tragically the children have absolutely no idea that they are being constantly tricked and treated into rejecting and hating their very own father.
On a similarly tragic note these enablers are also clueless to the fact that they are being tricked and treated into supporting a mother who is emotionally abusing her very own children.
“The only thing more frustrating than slanderers is those foolish enough to listen to them,” writes Criss Jami in his 2015 book, Killosophy.
I am an alienated parent of three. Part-time psychiatric nurse, part-time writer. I am also an online activist against parental alienation. I use my knowledge of mental health and lived experience of parental alienation to promote awareness of parental alienation.