The following is yet another anonymous contribution from a parent’s experience of battling a flawed system that fails to effectively challenge cases of parental alienation.
As the above title states, it was my little boy’s birthday a couple of weeks ago. I have no idea what he actually did on his birthday. I have no idea where he went on his birthday. I have no idea what gifts he got. I have no idea whether he had a lovely birthday or not.
“I have now not had any meaningful contact with my son for over two years.”
To the non-regular readers of this blog I am what is known as an alienated parent. In the briefest of definitions parental alienation is a form of abuse whereby the alienating parent (in most cases the resident parent) purposely damages, and in some cases destroys the previously healthy loving relationship between the child and the child’s other parent (the non-resident parent). That is what has happened to my son and I after his mother and I separated. For a full definition of parental alienation see here.
I have now not had any meaningful contact with my son for over two years. His mother breaches every single court order that would otherwise result in contact between my son and I.
My son’s mother has created a false narrative around her and my son. She has made numerous false allegations about me. She has claimed I used to emotionally and physically abuse her and our son. She has also claimed I am a Class A drug user; this was her unsuccessful attempt to damage my professional care. She has also claimed I stole the family savings. She informed my son’s school that I had abandoned my family, left them destitute and my whereabouts were unknown.
This false narrative of hers has enabled her to create an un-impenetrable ring of toxic allies that ‘protect’ my son from the truth. His mother will do whatever it takes to protect our son from the truth.
My ex is not behaving the way she does in the best interest of my son. She is behaving in this abusive manner to take revenge on me. I left an unhealthy relationship. She always told me that if I ever left her she would make sure I never saw my son again. She has informed my son that I deserted them, that I no longer love him and that I don’t deserve to have a relationship with my son.
“She has groomed him into hating me.”
She has effectively groomed my son into rejecting me. She has groomed him into hating me. My ex does not have the insight to understand the long term damage she is causing my son regarding his long term well-being and overall mental health.
A psychological assessment stated that my ex presents with personality traits indicative of a Cluster A personality disorder. It also stated that there is little to no evidence to suggest she will ever change her approach. The assessment also states that she is unable to prioritise my son’s emotional needs above her own. The assessment also stated that she is unable to meet my son’s emotional needs.
Despite a wealth of evidence that states my ex is emotionally abusing my son, Cafcass and the Family Court turn a blind eye. Judges are blindly guided by the advice of Cafcass. And Cafcass relentlessly continue with their one size fits all approach of stating words to the effect of “as parents you two need to work together!”
From my lived experience of battling parental alienation thus far my firmly held belief is that Cafcass take the approach of attributing equal blame to both parents for one reason and one reason only. For as long as they project the blame on both parents, they also place responsibility firmly on the shoulders of both parents. And by taking this approach they leave themselves free of any accountability regarding the emotional harm being inflicted on children in such cases.
My strongly held belief is that Cafcass know exactly what they are doing, but they simply don’t care. Their ill-informed front-line staff simply do not care. It is simply just a job to them.
And so returning to the subject of my little boy’s birthday;
I love you my beautiful boy. I think of you every single day.
Whatever you have been told about me, I will always be your daddy.
Whatever you have been told about me, I will always be here for you.
You know I live only five minutes away. I will always be here for you.
I love you so much, I miss you so much,
All my love, forever and ever,